Strange little children...

I see you have a baseball shirt. You like baseball?

 - "I'm from New-England. I like the Patriots."

Oh! Do you like their quarterback, Peyton Manning?

 - "I'm only 7. I don't know what a quarterback is."

Oh.   

…    

 You on summer break?

 - "I just go to school for 174 days at a time."

It's kinda like how a 1 year old is too young for a 3 year old.
...
I don't mean for dating...

- Jim M

Teens and thier mobile phones

http://www.flowtown.com/blog/teens-and-their-mobile-phones?display=wide
- 1 in 3 teens text while driving

"I can't text while driving. I can't even text while sitting. I just call people."
 - Josh

Earth Day!

So, since tomorrow is Earth day, and you know how much I LOVE the whole green movement, I've decided to celebrate it in my own personal way:

In the morning I'm going to pick up the Hummer H1 (the big one) I'm renting so I can spew out exhaust while I burn gas at 7MPG.  Maybe I can run over a few Priuses (Pri-i?) while I'm at it.  Trendy commie-mobiles.

I'm eating nothing but beans and steak all day, so I can maximize my methane output - You guys know me well enough to know I'll give those freaks who claim that cow farts are contributing to global warming a freaking aneurysm.

I'm going to spend all day breathing like Bill on Ventrillo  so I can put out as much CO2, which the EPA says is a pollutant and should be taxed, as possible.

I've got the Christmas lights hung up to celebrate Earth day, so while everyone turns off all of their lights and appliances for their half hour to conserve energy and pay homage to their filthy hippy gods in thier smug "I'm better than you because I believe that I can save the planet" fashion, I will make the ultimate sacrifice and light up the entire neighborhood.  Maybe to help people cope with thier half hour of smugness I'll open up the windows and crank up my computer speakers so I can give them some musical entertainment.

When I get home, I'm going to throw the biggest barbecue/bonfire as possible. Feel free to come over and toss whatever you think will make the coolest color smoke onto the fire.  Maybe if we can get it big enough, the fire department will come up in thier 2MPG truck and spray/waste 1000 gal of water putting the inferno out.

And once everything is said and done for the day, I will drive up 94 a little bit, enjoy the amazingly clear Earth Day night sky (obviously caused by people being "green", they saved the sky!), and while I take in the beauty of the world around me, I'll take a piss in the St. Charles Co reseviour. 

So if your with me, find a good way to celebrate Earth Day in your own fun way.  If you think I am a horrible person...fuck you hippy, I hope you and everyone like your trendy smug ass die in a horrible recycling-related accident. 


-{CB}DropKickPuppy

James:  Come on Zombie Apocalypse!!!

Mars:   Come on Obambie Apocalypse!! wait...  SHIT! IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING!!!!
James:  Yeeeeeeeessss Weeeeee Caaaaaaaaan!  *gnaws on arm*

James:  Chaaaaaaannnnnggeeee!!! CHAAAAAAANGEEEE!!!

Lunchtime!

*Dick in line at Subway*
Hey! I want some lettuce on my sandwich! Lettuce! Lettuce! Lettuce! Can't you hear me!?

*Zack*
 - She probably can't hear you over the sound of your 80's porn moustache.

*Girl behind the counter*
Would you like some free cookies?

My Roombah's lost...

...but ceiling never changes. The ceiling is the ceiling.

 - Woah, that's deep man...

Zach and Bill

You Lost...

I only lost because I told Pat I lost

So no I didn't lose, because I lost 15 seconds before you thus causing you to lose

haha!  eat that! I'm the original loser!

In the world of the game, I am like God.  

 In the beginning, there was James...and he lost

 - {CB}Dropkickpuppy

Memphis mom charged with using sword to threaten school employees

http://www.wlbt.com/Global/story.asp?S=12033987 

"Price told police she drank a 40 ounce bottle of Colt 45 before going to the school."

I don't care if that's out of context or not. That's just damn funny no matter how you take it.

I need better filters on it though, there's always cat in everything.

- Sooo... there's a little pussy in your computer?

Ginghams Singles Pledge

I do (softly) swear that I am ready to commit to being single - for now. I know that (smashing) by myself is a (knife) of honor, not a (banana) of shame. I am willing to wait as long as it takes to find a loving (dildo) who will appreciate me for the (zoron) I am, treat me like a (cup), and not play games with my (toe). Furthermore, I will not engage in (gritty) activities, like one-night (unicorns), that will only makeme feel (cancerous) afterward. I understand that it's better to be alone than to let someone (rampage) all over me. I realize that focusing on myself right now will make me a better (bunyon) to someone else later. And I know that when I see two elderly (lampshades) (poking) along the sidewalk holding (taint), it represents what I will have when I find the (centipede) of my life. My name is (Kreutz), and I am single - and fabulous!"

She's my sex-box, and her name is Dell

So THATS why they wanted a slot load optical.

Fun with euphemisms!

My warts went away when I quit working at UPS. It was weird too, I only ever had them on one hand.

 - Jim M.

James:  I feel like poop on a stick

 me:  Blessed be thine journey through the great porcelain bowl of life.

 ...

 me:  Holy Shitsticks!

I think I've got that late 80's MIT look going on. I remember when I had ambition.

Zach H.

There's a light on your laptop...

It's kinda like the light-up Apple logo on the lid of  a Macbook. It openly declares, in a soft and soothing announcer voice,  "Attention. Douche-tastic computing is now in progress. I repeat, douche-baggery, is now taking place."

No seriously, it wasn't me...

I was trippin on acid, and when I woke up afterwards, all I could think was, "Fuck, I'm in a double-wide!"

- Anonymous (NO IT WAS NOT ME)

James: Last night, I was sleepy.  
James: Not today though.  I've had 5 cups of coffee!!!

me:  caffeen cAfFeen CaFfEEn CAFFEEN!!!

James:  Dude I can feel the earth vibrate

James:  This must be what its feels like to be a hippie

Today, I tried to use the internet to look up some information to help me troubleshoot a computer problem. I read a tech support forum, and wuz trannsparted toteh intardwebz.

Why are there keys attached to the gallon of milk, next to a bag of cat shit in the fridge?!?

- Denny W.

CERTIFICATES!!! Get your certifiably certified certificates of certification here! Now with more Bona-Fides!

AND VETTING!! Lots and lots of vetting!

It's amazingly real! It's legitimately authentic! It's wonderfully colossal! It's even mediocre!

What AM I talking about?!? Why, it's the next post that will NOT be written by {CB}Marsupial Vomit!!!

EDIT: Damit, I have more hilarity to post here, but someone else needs to make a post. And cross members. Then build a fence...

Freezepop you Daft Punk!

- Is this robot music?

Our listening pleasure is very animatronic today.
That sounded pretty terrible when spoken out loud.

- Yes, yes is did. Don't ever do that again.

Chinese for lunch

They were using Mexicans waaay before it was fashionable to do so.
 - Jim M.

When I'm rich, I'm gonna get a Mexican.
 - Zack H.

Mitthoties

No! I do not someone to bite my dick!
- Pain is pleasure, my dear.

Brilliant lunch desicion making

"Rally's sounds good, but I don't like Rally's."
 - Josh G.

Shit ON You

I wanna go to Best Buy with an engraver and 'modify' all of the SONY branded floor demos.