Ginghams Singles Pledge

I do (softly) swear that I am ready to commit to being single - for now. I know that (smashing) by myself is a (knife) of honor, not a (banana) of shame. I am willing to wait as long as it takes to find a loving (dildo) who will appreciate me for the (zoron) I am, treat me like a (cup), and not play games with my (toe). Furthermore, I will not engage in (gritty) activities, like one-night (unicorns), that will only makeme feel (cancerous) afterward. I understand that it's better to be alone than to let someone (rampage) all over me. I realize that focusing on myself right now will make me a better (bunyon) to someone else later. And I know that when I see two elderly (lampshades) (poking) along the sidewalk holding (taint), it represents what I will have when I find the (centipede) of my life. My name is (Kreutz), and I am single - and fabulous!"