Transformers 2 is fucking cool, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Most carbon-based lifeforms are by now aware that the second theatrical release in the Transformers franchise is now showing. The majority of reactions I have heard/read in response to it have been overwhelmingly negative. To quote one of my friends, for example:

"If the first Transformers was Stan Bush, than the second is Dirk Diggler."

The following is my official review of Transformers 2: Reign Of The Phallus, or whatever the fuck it's called. It doesn't really matter. Everything about the movie, including the title, "plot", and characters, is just an excuse to show alien robots fighting. Please read on:


Dude. Seriously. What the fuck was everyone expecting from this movie? A complex, multifaceted plot with Shakespearean dialogue?

IT'S A FUCKING MOVIE ABOUT A CARTOON AND TOY LINE FROM THE 1980s THAT FEATURED GIANT ROBOTS FROM SPACE THAT TURNED INTO CARS AND PLANES.

That's it! It's not a terribly involved premise. That's what this movie is about, and that's what we got. Two and a half hours of giant robots kicking the holy shit out of each other, with badass special effects and multiple shots of Megan Fox running in slow motion. The only type of people who aren't thoroughly entertained by this are limp-wristed pussies who sustain on a diet of soy lattes, drive a Toyota Prius, and sit around watching IFC all day.

IT IS AWESOME WHEN GIANT ROBOTS BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER. That's why Transformers 2 is fucking cool, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.