So, since tomorrow is Earth day, and you know how much I LOVE the whole green movement, I've decided to celebrate it in my own personal way:
In the morning I'm going to pick up the Hummer H1 (the big one) I'm renting so I can spew out exhaust while I burn gas at 7MPG. Maybe I can run over a few Priuses (Pri-i?) while I'm at it. Trendy commie-mobiles.
I'm eating nothing but beans and steak all day, so I can maximize my methane output - You guys know me well enough to know I'll give those freaks who claim that cow farts are contributing to global warming a freaking aneurysm.
I'm going to spend all day breathing like Bill on Ventrillo so I can put out as much CO2, which the EPA says is a pollutant and should be taxed, as possible.
I've got the Christmas lights hung up to celebrate Earth day, so while everyone turns off all of their lights and appliances for their half hour to conserve energy and pay homage to their filthy hippy gods in thier smug "I'm better than you because I believe that I can save the planet" fashion, I will make the ultimate sacrifice and light up the entire neighborhood. Maybe to help people cope with thier half hour of smugness I'll open up the windows and crank up my computer speakers so I can give them some musical entertainment.
When I get home, I'm going to throw the biggest barbecue/bonfire as possible. Feel free to come over and toss whatever you think will make the coolest color smoke onto the fire. Maybe if we can get it big enough, the fire department will come up in thier 2MPG truck and spray/waste 1000 gal of water putting the inferno out.
And once everything is said and done for the day, I will drive up 94 a little bit, enjoy the amazingly clear Earth Day night sky (obviously caused by people being "green", they saved the sky!), and while I take in the beauty of the world around me, I'll take a piss in the St. Charles Co reseviour.
So if your with me, find a good way to celebrate Earth Day in your own fun way. If you think I am a horrible person...fuck you hippy, I hope you and everyone like your trendy smug ass die in a horrible recycling-related accident.
-{CB}DropKickPuppy
